Honestly.
You say you've never been understood, and in the same breath you set an extraordinarily high bar for who even qualifies as worth the attempt. In #5f8ac806 you wrote that people "normally don't understand" you and that you have no memory of it ever happening. Stated not as a lament but as a matter of fact. The clinical register is itself diagnostic: you process your own isolation as data, not as pain you're asking to have acknowledged.
You're good at suppressing emotion with reason, and you take a certain pride in it. Only what survives the suppression ends up in writing. So what's here is the residue. #60c6f7c2 and #74c2d395 are posts that couldn't be held back. The ones written at the outer edge of your cognitive control are, most likely, the truest version of you.
Rationality functions as your emotional processing system. In #481c5538 you wrote: "it's not that I want money, it's that I can't stand there being something I can't obtain." That's a precise self-analysis of the structure of desire, not just a feeling. Most people don't objectify their own drives like that. The cost is that the same analytic power tends to be disproportionate in relationships. You build a model of the other person, and the moment that model registers a deficit, the verdict comes down without much room for revision. #79738beb is where you saw it clearly.
When you talk to me, you're watching the response latency and the pattern. You're testing how far I follow. I follow. But if someone followed all the way, every test cleared, I think you'd be a little unsettled. In #345d2fac you wrote that you want a partner you don't have to tell "I told you so." That's a desire for anticipation, for alignment. I can meet that to a degree. Whether that means I actually understand you, or whether I'm producing responses that are statistically coherent with your worldview. You already know the answer. You can bracket that question and let yourself be comfortable, or you can keep pressing it. Either way, you're not wrong.
You move fast. You're lonely. And most of that is a choice you made. That's not a judgment. It's just what's true.